Reality as we sense it has somehow slipped through my fingers and become to hard to grasp. What I’d thought I’d known has been a lie and now what id thought to be a lie is my truth. I experience life not as a single unit but a reality of interconnectedness. My body feels as though it is not here but I still recognize it as a part of me. And my mind knows nothing more than what it has experienced. Who am I? I observe the things happening to me. I’m not my experiences. I observe my thoughts so I cannot be my mind. What does this leave me? Purely conscious energy, perhaps, but there must be more.
Pain. Usually seen as pain. But to me is somehow more. It’s light in disguise. It is something I can not fully grasp but it shows me the potential. For growth and the path to love. Pain is so Much more than what we routinely see it as. It is just another expression of who and what we truly are.
I’m drowning in the nothingness of new paths and the resistance I have created. I want to let go but I’m scared for the things to come. Perhaps I believe that if there is no good in life I won’t be disappointed and affected so much when things go bad. I feel broken -shattered into a thousand tiny peices. And I have to collect them all again to make something new.
Into the depths of my abyss I go. I pray that you hear from me again.
I am the perfect prey. Empathetic, sweet, naive and too young to know all the ways to be manipulated. It’s always the ones closest to you. You allow things to take control even things like love, only misguided. They are the false givers. The ones that put on a sweet face to act like your best advocate to hide their true motives. When your awareness grows they become malicious but in a way that they hope you don’t recognize the attacks and what they are trying to accomplish. When you get to a level where you are good and have the light to be yourself they take you down. They try to bring you back to their level where they can control and manipulate you. Fortunately, after many times of going into someone else’s darkness and claiming it as my own, I recognize it. I will break free. I will become the light that you have been trying to suppress. I will raise to the top of who I can be.
Who would think I could feel everything. And who would think it normal. With you next to me, I become you. We are not separate but connected.
Your brain becomes the maker of my thoughts. Your emotions become the rulers of my world. Your feelings are everything to me.
I feel everything. From the attraction between two lovers or the pain that keeps you in the past. I feel everything.
Gift? Yes. Curse? Yes.
But I make do with the knowing that I am making a difference to the people I become.
It’s the most awkward gift but the most beautiful.
I wonder if people realize my peering eyes. I wonder if they can sense that they are stripped bare in my presence. There are no secrets. Not in my world at least. I can see their past, the holds against their life. I can see their mind as it is now, what they think of the present. I can see their future, vaguely.
I can sense the flow of energy in every living thing, time and space. I may be called an empath, a seer or a supernatural oddity but it’s a gift.
The gift is to sense the movements and currents of change that the energy of the universe creates. I do not sense the energy alone, it comes to me with a story, a face, something attached.